The horror of this summer has been of high quality. Mostly. Weapons has triumphed with critics and audiences, and Bring Her Back has introduced a school of fantastic young actors to a mainstream audience. There has, however, been disappointments.

In a neon-lit lap dance club, we meet Anora. She's topless and gyrating in slow-motion on top of a horny man. We hear Gary Barlow's vocals in "The Greatest Day" paired alongside this image.

Have you tried The Substance? It's changed the lives of those that have, or at least those that are willing to admit to it. There's an element of stubbornness to the discourse over this film, with many turning their noses up at its repulsive contents.

Basically, Longlegs (2024) is not about spiders. What Oz Perkins has written about is a web of occult-influenced killings pointing towards the Buffalo Bill-style serial killer, Longlegs (played by the recognisably unrecognisable Nicolas Cage). Our semi-psychic, ever so slightly autistic protagonist, Lee Harker (Maika Monroe), has literally drawn a triangle-shaped arrow out of the algorithm Longlegs has created from the dates of his killings.

Don't let the mixed reviews get you down; MaXXXine is not a flop. Whilst the feature is the weakest of its X predecessors, we still get a solid performance from Mia Goth, a teste castration, and a middle-fingered salute to the sexist horror tropes Ti West's horror trilogy subverts through its continued pastiche.

You'd think, from the Google Reviews of Priscilla, that Sofia Coppola had directed a hit-piece on Elvis Presley. According to these audience reviews, Coppola has tried to "seduce her audience" with a "feminist anti-male social agenda."